A fictional tale that has existed in my life is something worth giving a mention not least because I’ve been paying attention to its occurrences.
In years gone by I’ve come to observe that first impression does really count and that sometimes you might have to bend over backwards to erase an unwanted notion that someone has about you.
For me bending over backwards to erase an unwanted notion would have been relatively easy except that whenever I have an opportunity to do so, I don’t do particularly well. In fact, instead, my behavior tends to reinforce whatever notion the person(s) have of me in the first place.
How this happens is still a mystery and I have found myself pleading with people to think positive about me because in that way they will also reap the benefits… as I will almost always tend to act positively towards them.
The above however does not infringe on my personality or my character and does not in anyway define who I am.
A while ago, I met a friend who thinks I am very selfish. By coincidence and chance, I wasn’t able to give what was being asked of me and like always I felt really bad because I wasn’t able to help. To top it up, the friend decided to believe what he thought. I explained the situation with a guarantee that I am not selfish and that next time will be different.
Not long after that, next time came…. And alas!!!! Here I went again, giving excuses about how I won’t be able to give what he’s asking. Without mincing words, he remarked “I knew you are selfish”
Here we go…my fictional tale replaying itself again… and there’s nothing I could do to redeem myself than to pray than he’ll encounter me on a day where the truth about me will be revealed.
For your information, I am not selfish
Why I am saying this?
In a few days time, I’ll be facing a group of people who by virtue of relationship and rules of engagement have no choice but to think positively about me, but I also know that by virtue of experience, they might be tempted to think otherwise.
Admittedly, I haven’t been particularly brilliant in the way I portray myself. It is not because I was doing something wrong, rather, I was living a life of ambiguity where whether I was in or out could not be ascertained.
Over the course of the months of preparation and being in the group, there was a relaxation about what they had thought of me…..but I guess their fears will not be completely wiped out until after a specified day had come and gone….The D-DAY.
As the day approached, hopes were raised, excitement filled the tent and on the eve of the D-Day, I was a sure member and a significant participant in the activities of the group.
As the D-Day dawns, my fictional tale materialized…. AGAIN…..
Characterized by a few wrong decisions, unprecedented happenings, bizarre time mistakes and my journey to a location where I was unreachable all culminating in me doing a NO-SHOW for what is arguable the most important day on the calendar for the group.
20 missed calls, uncountable text and voice messages were all deposited on my phone and 4hrs after the group event… I showed up albeit not physically…. but rather with access to my phone… and that’s when it dawned on me… “Nine months of hard work fizzled out …. .and the group’s fear?….. Confirmed!!!!
From my personal point of view, I was distraught for missing an event I’ve looked forward to all year long…. I wanted to be there… dreamt about it… the accolades, the applause, invited loads of friends…. Only for the friends to also join in the search for the act they’ve come to see.
My sorrows were compounded when the group leader spoke to me on the phone and highlighted how unprofessional my actions have been, letting the group down by my inconsiderate approach to the demands of the group (paraphrased).
I admit without holding back that I was at fault…..and my actions were disappointing.. But a part of me still thinks that the group’s notion about me triggered it. If they had been very positive, probably their thought process could have helped me do the right things.
It’s been almost 5 months now since the spectacle. Five months of silence, noticeably from my side. As mentioned earlier, in a few days … I will make a return with the aim to defy the odds…. Bring an end to the fictional tale and thrust myself into the front line of activities. A warm welcome I pray I’ll receive.
The fictional Tale has no bearing on who I am, and I take full responsibility for my actions and words …. Another man’s thoughts are too small to mould the way I live my life.
Although, to see life as blue, always wear a blue Polaroid is the answer (and everything turns blue)… so if anyone decides to see me as black…. Oh well…. I might just be black… to them.