Let’s welcome Praise Fowowe again to Mind and Mouth as he delivers the first of the series on stopping child sexual abuse!

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About a year ago I had just released my best selling work ‘Basic Sexual Education Kit’ when a woman buzzed my line. She wanted to confirm my conviction that sex education should actually start at 18months. According to her ‘The inability of my mother to teach me the proper names for body parts cost me 7 years of sexual abuse by my neighbour’ Her story was so pathetic that I was able to narrow it down to her inability to pronounce Penis. She recalled, ‘I ran to my mother to report how uncle inserted a nail inside my bum bum but she joined my other siblings to laugh at me’. She stopped talking to them afterwards and the predator abused her for 7years. She is now a mother of 2 but buzzed my line after seeing my sexuality education DVD to confirm the fact that sexuality education should start at 18months.

So you might want to ask why?

What is there to teach an 18months old about sex and what can that child understand?

There is a lot to teach because understanding the tendencies of children at that age helps you to understand their thought pattern. Here are the traits of children within this age range

-  They are more aware of themselves and environment

-  They imitate what they see people do especially you

-  They follow simple commands and understand simple questions

-  They don’t understand consequences of things so try to touch everything

-   They can appreciate a simple story and song because their attention span is very short

-    At 2 years they can learn 50 words every month.

-    When they throw temper tantrums, and demonstrate stubbornness, it’s their way of saying ‘NO’

-    They can participate in group plays at 3 years.

So here is what to teach:

When we run our monthly basic sexuality education for parents and teachers (which is for people handling children between 18months and 12years) we tag Sexuality education at that age as ‘My Body and I’

Many people feel sexuality education is all about penetration and intercourse. It is actually more than that.  Let me help you understand that you might teach a lot through songs and stories but all must be aimed at helping the child know the proper names for body parts:

The predator (abuser/paedophile) would usually capitalize on the ignorance of your child at this age especially with respect to correct pronunciation of body parts. So here you teach about the body of your child as well as teaching them the proper pronunciation of different body parts. You also need to differentiate between private and public parts.

We have developed a workbook and audio songs for teaching sex at this stage effectively.

Start by teaching them about public parts after which you move to private parts.

Explain to your 18months – 3years that public parts are those parts that they can share with people and people can see and touch while private parts are those parts they must not allow people touch or use. And please call them their proper names like Penis being Penis (It’s not ‘dongle dongle’ ‘kokoro’ or ‘jongbojongbo’ or ‘ayanyan’ etc)

Teach them that they must police and cover private parts. I have added lips as a private part because the predator usually starts with the lips through kiss.

Let me warn here that if you are fond of kissing your 18months – 3years on the lips you might need to avoid that and kiss them on the cheek because the predator refers to that as daddy’s play and goes ahead to start kissing your child without your knowledge.

There are some stories you may need to use here to strengthen what you just taught your child (they are available in the workbook)

Finally you may need to carry out some forms of routine check on children within this age range by asking them if anyone tried touching their private parts and asked them not to tell mummy. Children are very innocent and will open up to you and if they don’t (because sometimes the predator warns them never to tell anyone if they don’t want their parent to die) observe their composure it will give you a clue.

Always be calm when dealing with these children in case they share something with you. Don’t shout on them. If you don’t know what to do you can contact us at sextalk@mindandmouth.com  or praise@praisefowowe.com but understand that they need to be protected at all cost.

Fire on the mountain – When a lively child suddenly withdraws or suddenly begins to cry at the sight of a particular person. You may need to find out the true state of things. It is not impossible that abuse is taking place.

Learning Points –

-          Sex Education should start early (as early as 18 months)

-          Teach your 18 months – 3 yr old child  proper pronunciation body parts

-          Differentiate between private and public parts

-          Perform regular checks with your child

-          Be calm when dealing with cases of sexual abuse

Action Point

Share your stories, leave comments, or share experiences or Ask questions by leaving comments on this post.

You can also continue the discussion on our Facebook page www.fb.com/mindandmouth or Twitter @mindandmouth

Forward this to the parents on your list that are yet to subscribe to Mind & Mouth!

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Must-have Resource

BASIC SEXUAL EDUCATION KIT – Praise Fowowe

CHILD SAFETY ONLINE E-book

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I have always felt like doing something for children on the area of their sexuality which most parents shy away from. So this season I will try and educate you a little bit on the subject of sexuality. This month is dedicated to children, parenting and upbringing.

Mind & Mouth is privileged and pleased to be partnering with an authority in Sex & Family Matters in Nigeria to deliver this training for the next 5 weeks.

I have personally learnt from and been under training with Praise Fowowe, the visionary leader for Praise Fowowe International (www.praisefowowe.com). Let’s meet Praise Fowowe:

Praise Fowowe is an International sexuality education strategist / Advisor, family life coach and crisis manager. He is driven and highly passionate about preventing and responding to child sexual abuse in Africa as well as build the most desirable marriages in the country.

A highly innovative strategist blessed with original insights on relationships that have been applauded all over the nation as one of the most effective when it comes to sexuality and relationship issues. With over 12 years experience of handling family life issue all over the country, Praise is one of the best you would ever listen to on sex and family life matters. As a family life educator, Praise has authored what is regarded as the most complete sexuality education kit for families and schools in Nigeria and his 18-hour Sex Recovery Hub training session has helped many organizations prevent and respond to child sexual abuse and various addictive behaviours.

An accounting graduate turned sex recovery expert. Praise has handled the Sexuality education session for the secondary school students in Lagos state courtesy of the First Lady of Lagos in the last 4years and has consulted for several religious and governmental agencies on child sexual abuse prevention and response.
Praise has been awarded the prestigious LEAP/NOKIA/IYF leadership award for the prevention of HIV/AIDS as well as the Yellow Ribbon Award by Media Concern on women and children for the prevention of child sexual abuse.

He is a well sought after speaker who covers several miles annually speaking to hundreds of thousands of people all over the country and beyond. Praise writes the soar away Lovebirds with Praise column every Friday on This day newspaper as well as the celebrate Sex in the city column in YES magazine.

As a social worker Praise has worked with young people in the Ajegunle area of Lagos in the last 8years transforming their lives and putting smiles on their faces every Sunday evening (Gold in the slum).
He is married to Oluwatosin and they are blessed with a son and a daughter.

 INTRODUCTION TO YOUR CHILD & SEX

 Contrary to reports that child sexual abuse is reducing, the truth is it’s actually on the increase in our part of the world (in Africa and among African families irrespective of where they live). I wouldn’t want to scare you as a parent but would not also want you to assume that your little child is not being touched by someone not totally far away from you, someone you probably know.

A couple of years ago there was a declaration that children were gradually going into extinction – real children. A lot of parents called to ask about my opinion on the declaration and I answered by asking a few questions which I will also ask you as a parent:

-          When was the last time you saw children gather on your street to play children games. (Drawing squares on the ground and taking turns (10 – 10), building castles in the sand etc)

-          When was the last time you saw a kite being flown by a child on your street (even in the slums and the villages)

-          When was the last time you saw children play hide and seek?

-          When was the last time you saw a child’s song being played by any radio or TV station? Very little values coming from the media to inspire our kids.

-          What songs and movies do our children see at the moment?

If you compare what you did as a child to what your child is doing you would have been able to discover that we may not really have children after all.

I was shocked at how much 4year olds know about two popular Mexican soaps ‘When you are mine (they call it Diego and Paloma) and ‘Second chance’.

Sometimes I even wonder if we ever think of their existence because most of the movies in the market have adults rating. But don’t 4-7year olds also see the movies at the end of the day?

We hosted a Basic sexuality education workshop for parents and teachers handling 18months-12year olds recently  and it was an eye opener for most of the parents that made it to the workshop because of the many aspects of their children they were blind to. On Tuesday May 1st 2012, many stakeholders gathered in Lagos to create awareness and discuss solutions to this challenge in our society. (Courtesy Praise Fowowe International, Supported by Avenues to Wealth)

So if your 14 year old says ‘That girl’s Liverpool is an arsenal’ do you understand what it means?

If your 12 year old talks about her friend being more courageous than she is, do you understand what it means?

If you have a child with an email that reads dupe@boobslover.com do you understand the implication?

The truth is that you can’t effectively be a child’s teacher without first of all being his/her student. So the question you may want to ask is when should sex education start? Who should teach it? And how should it be taught?

I will try and open us to some of the things I feel you should know as a parent as we explore what to teach about sex from 18 months -12 years. (For this series, we are running a short version of the comprehensive training run by Praise Fowowe International (PFI). If you are interested in knowing more, asking more or want to invite the team from PFI to speak at a function (church, seminar, organisation meeting, NGO awareness program), then drop a mail for us at sextalk@mindandmouth.com and we’ll connect you to Praise Fowowe International. OR you can connect with Praise Fowowe at www.praisefowowe.com or send a mail to him at praisefowowe@yahoo.com mentioning Mind & Mouth in the correspondence.

Now the answers to the raised questions are:

Sex education should start at 18 months to be taught by you as a parent but the how to go about it is the purpose of this training series so ensure you don’t miss this series in the next 5 weeks because I will be sharing some of the things you need to know about your child and his/her sexuality.

In case you don’t know, Britain has been able to give the world the youngest mother who became pregnant at 11. We have a lot of work to do and like we say sexual education must start from home.

In this series, we shall cover the following:

18 months – 3 years – My Body and I

3 – 5 years – Curiosity and I

5 - 8years – Awareness and I

8 - 12years – Life is good

Contrary to the other posts from Mind & Mouth, this series will not be available via my (Ibukun Onitiju’s) facebook wall, so to ensure you, or any of your loved ones get this training you must do (and ask them to do) one or both of the following:

1.) Subscribe to Mind and Mouth by entering your e-mail in the box below. 

Ensure you click the link in the e-mail that will be sent to you to confirm your subscription. The training will be delivered into your mail.

2.) Go to www.facebook.com/mindandmouth and like the Mind and Mouth FB page. The training will show on your news feed from Mind and Mouth (note: not from Ibukun Onitiju).

Having experienced child sexual abuse at close range and worked with young people in the UK and in Nigeria, I believe every parent needs this series. I don’t know every parent, so let’s work together. Go ahead and forward this mail to every parent on your list, and personally ask them to subscribe to Mind & Mouth as we welcome Praise Fowowe International to Mind and Mouth for the next 5 weeks.

It’s not just training though, it is also interactive, and so you can ask questions, seek advice and ask to get consultation from Praise Fowowe International. You can leave comments on the post, or send e-mails to sextalk@mindandmouth.com or praisefowowe@yahoo.com (indicating Mind & Mouth in your correspondence)

To be continued.

God never fails!

That is an absolute fact. He never does.

However, the realities that we face can be so confusing that it seems God is failing and it seems there is nowhere to turn to.

Maybe there are times you feel the devil has become so powerful and God seems to be struggling a little bit.

Someone brought a game we used to play when we were kids to my remembrance recently. The game is called words and opposites. It’s a call and response game where the starter says a word and the responder gives the opposite of that word.

Let’s do a mini version of that here:

Words and opposites, words and opposite

Big ——-

Heavy ——–

Man ——–

Boy ——–

Sit ——–

Smile ——-

God ——–

Were these your answers?

Big ——- Small

Heavy ——– Light

Man ——– Woman

Boy ——– Girl

Sit ——– Stand

Smile ——- Frown

God ——– Satan/Devil

Many people’s answers were like the one above, including mine. However, the opposite of God is not devil or Satan. God has no equal. He is God all by himself. The devil is just an angel that disobeyed and pretends like he is extremely powerful. There is no one like God.

I really believe that, but some situations arise in our lives that shake our core beliefs in God. I mean, things happen that push you to the edge and you just wonder if God is losing the plot.

This past week has been one of those interesting weeks.

Monday was a very tough day. I heard a piece of information that made my tummy churn. I was fine even after hearing it until I started to feel very sick. My friend asked me “when was the last time you felt like this”, my response once simple “the last time I felt like this was when armed robbers broke into our house in my early teens and gave me a heavy slap, put a gun to my head and stole as much as they could in the dead of the night.”

The same Monday night, my ever-reliable laptop packed up, though I had a project to deliver before the next morning. What made it even more serious was it was my chance to prove reliable. I guess that did not happen.

On Wednesday, I got another heart wrenching no. If I am not mistaken, this is the 6^th time I am getting such a high calibre no. I wonder how many more of them I can take. I wasn’t devastated; I was calm, but very angry.

At this point, it is already mid-week and the questions are starting to roll in my head. I didn’t ask where is God?… because I know where God is (Heaven). I know where Jesus is (Seated at the right hand of God). I know where I am (Seated with Jesus). I know where the Holy Spirit is (On the inside of me).

The question I asked was “Am I out of line”? Am I out of the plans that God has for me? Why the brick wall of limitations!

I needed the gentle whisper of God to say “He is there with me”.

On Thursday, my laptop not working was becoming more of a concern so I planned to take it to the ‘doctors’ on Friday morning. BUT on Thursday night God showed up.

The solution to my laptop problem has been in the same room I have been sleeping in for the past 1 year and 3 months. God simply led me to it. By Friday morning, my laptop was as good as new. Then God spoke. He said “I know”! “I have made provision of solutions before the problems show up”.

The news on Monday has not been resolved physically, the rejection on Wednesday has not been resolved physically, I feel physically better, but God is saying, none of the problems is too big or too small, let’s just start with your laptop.

It reminded me of the verse in Psalm 23:4

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil,  for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

I feel very comforted knowing that, though the road may be rough and tough. God is with me through it all.

Are you feeling like God seems a bit far away, pre-occupied with other people’s issues, or are you thinking he has forgotten you?.

He’s asked me to let you know that He is right there with you. He asked me to remind you that He was not lying or joking when He said “He will never leave nor forsake you”.

Be rest assured that He Knows!

Question: What do you do and how do you cope when you feel like God is failing you? You can leave your comment by clicking here!

You can say all you want about the breakthroughs, the miracles and how God came through for me blah blah blah blah… the truth is I think God should go a step further and just perfect it.

Why can’t he just do it all, leave no stone un turned and get me to  be the highest, the best, the most knowledgeable, the FIRST!.

After all the patience, all the endurance, all the hard work, all the long suffering, all the believing, I still ended up being second at best, second!

Did your mummy pat you on the head the last time you came second? Exactly!

I want to be first!

Ok, fine, I was the first child of my mother, but my mother was not the first wife of my father. Through some ill-luck or bribery she was made the second wife. Can you see, even the time I was meant to be first, it was destroyed by being the first son of a second wife.

Ok, fine, my father really loved me and gave me clothes of many colours, but I was still not No 1, or 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 or 8 or 9 or 10 or 11… I was No 12 (10 boys and 1 girl before me) I was not the last though, ahahahahaa, Benjamin was.

Oh, I am sure if I was first, I won’t be the one that was thrown and sold into slavery by his brothers.

At my master’s house, I was made the head of the slaves. Now you could call that a first, but it was not. My master still owned the house and everything in it. I was not the first, neither was I the second, his wife was. So technically I was the third (after the whole story of God was with me!). I did not have a house, or a car, or a place to call my own, or any assets.

Ok, after I was blackmailed and thrown into prison, I was made to be in charge of the other prisoners. Make no mistake; I was not the head of the prison. I still had to be reporting to someone. As good as everyone thought I was, the best position available was No 2, even in prison.

Ok, after sometime in prison, one of the guys I helped by interpreting his dream told Pharaoh about me and Pharaoh sent for me. I interpreted his dream and gave them a solution that spanned decades. Guess what, he made me No……… errrrrm you guessed right, No 2.

I mean why did he not simply say, Joseph, you have done well; I relinquish my crown to you. You become No 1 while I, Pharaoh will become no 2. Surely that did not happen, and I spent the remaining of my life in Egypt as No 2 to pharaoh!…. grrrrrrrrr.

End of Story

Alright, let’s track back. That was not how that story went. Joseph did not say all those things I made up above, but think about it, Joseph was content. He was content with the things he had at different times in his life.

This reminded me of the scripture in 1 Timothy 6:6 that says “But Godliness with contentment is great gain.”

Joseph, for most of his life always had someone he reported to. Someone who is older, more placed, higher, wealthier, more influential. But guess what, Joseph was content with all that God did for him.

How about you? Do you live a life of contentment or do you whine and whine and whine until you wind everyone up.

Joseph had a lot going for him, but he also respected everyone that God placed above him.

Joseph’s story read great in the bible because he was content with the miraculous things that God did in his life.

The one word for you to day is “CONTENTMENT”!

Contentment puts a glorious twist to a story!

Question: Why do you think we find it difficult to be content? You can leave your comment by clicking here

The only achievement in 7hrs was to get the dispatch man to go home

It was 5:48pm as I stood at the entrance of the insurance broker’s office. It dawned on me that the dispatch man had gone home. As one not to give up easily, I started staring at every motorbike that drove past, in search of a motorbike driver with a box at his back. Instead, all I saw were motorbike drivers with humans at their back. Oh, i forgot to mention. This is Nigeria, Lagos to be precise, Ojota to be more precise.

Earlier, rain opened the curtains for the day, closely followed by sunshine as I set out to pick up a long awaited document. I was smartly dressed in a white shirt with grey stripes, black tie and black blazer over a grey trouser. When I got to the company’s office I realised today is going to be a bit longer than expected, but I was up for the challenge, so I thought.

Today I found the answer to a question that has been on mind for the past 12 months “Why Nigerians are so religious?”

Maybe you’ve asked that question before too, or you have an answer already… I think we can share answers on this one… I found one answer today.

The task for today was simple, ‘pick up a document’, however complications after complications after complications made it impossible.

1.)    A written date on the document was wrong, but we fixed it

2.)    The fix required letters to be written and delivered. We conquered that again by scanning and sending in an e-mail to the required personnel’s.

3.)    Without power supply, the diesel to power the generator was finishing so there is threat of losing power.

4.)    At the sight of a breakthrough, the car on the journey to the destination to bring the document broke down

5.)    It seems there are no alternative options again until a miracle happened.

6.)    The dispatch man was sent to deliver the letter to us.

7.)    After two hours of waiting, the dispatch man went off the radar. He did not arrive neither could he be traced on his mobile phone. The time was 5:48pm, and without delivering the document, the dispatch man probably made a u-turn and headed home.

8.)    After waiting 7 hours, I left the office without receiving the document I came for.

I think Nigerians are religious because the average system does not work and is set up to fail. Nothing gets done, and it doesn’t matter whose livelihood is on the line or whose ox is gored, so a higher power is always needed to intervene. The higher powers of

a.)    Money – the more money you have the more likely the system will function in your favour.

b.)    Charms – this will literarily force people to conform to your dictates (so they say).

c.)     Cults – members will go extra-ordinary lengths to satisfy other members and make the preferred system to work.

d.)    Mosques – There is a God who they believe answers their prayers.

e.)    Herbalists – An old ritualist standing in the gap for their clients.

f.)     Churches – There is a God who they believe answers prayers too.

Whether they have a great relationship with God or not, there is the consciousness that nothing works, and there is the need to call on something higher and spiritual to make it work.

For me, God came through because before I left home, He told me about the challenges, I just did not know how big it would be.

Have you had similar experiences too… or why else do you think Nigerians are so religious?