English breakfast in bed is nice, at least from my wife’s perspective.
I did the cooking, we all did the eating.
Once you read past my ‘showing off’ that I gave my wife breakfast in bed this morning, something struck me as I downed the last gulp of my drink.
A lot of women (and men) might think… ’aww this is so romantic’ (and I agree… at least the feedback says so),
Part of my plan to be a good husband wasn’t really to give my wife breakfast in bed on Saturdays.
But 10 years ago, I saw something that stayed with me.
Before I tell you the ‘stories’, let me first tell you the lesson.
“More is caught than taught’.
You are much more likely to do what you see, than what you are told. (Tweet This)
If we truly understand the power of association and influence, we will make better choices on who we spend time and associate with. (Tweet This)
A research was carried out to stop visitors stealing at a natural resort.
The resort management’s ideas was to put up ‘Do Not Steal’ signposts accompanied by pictures of ways people steal at the resort.
The result of the ‘Do Not Steal’ campaign was staggering. There was considerable increase in stealing incidents at the resort. A young couple shared their experience that captures it well.
“My wife is one of the most morally upright people I know. She has integrity and will not jump the traffic light, even if she is in a hurry. I trust her with everything”, the husband explained.
He then continued “I was surprised that when we saw the ‘do not steal’ signs and images of how people steal on the resort, she secretly whispered in my ears how easy it seems, and asked us to try it”.
The management wanted a different outcome, but they were not aware of the profound impact of visuals over words.
Social Psychologists came in, and changed the campaign to include one image of ‘do not steal’ and multiple images of people who were behaving in acceptable ways.
Not long, stealing incidents at the resort started declining.
You can also see this in families.
A young boy grows up seeing his father abuse his mother. He tells himself he won’t be like that, but once he reached a certain age, he started acting out the exact things he saw.
The truth is ‘More is caught than taught’
When I was living with Michael and Ife (Israel’s parents) in London, I (and a lot of us that stayed with them) look forward to the Saturday mornings Michael will be cooking.
For the records, He is a GREAT cook.
He will invent new recipes, wrap up chicken breast in bacon strips, French baguettes, sausages, scrambled eggs etc.
It was fab!
Then I came to Nigeria, and stayed with my cousin and his wife, Yomi and Bukola. On Sunday mornings after church, Yomi gracefully steps into the Kitchen and prepares delicious Yam and Egg before we all catch our Sunday naps (I rarely do that nap part).
Then on the Sundays I am not going straight home, I spend time at my mentor’s house. He was also the chairman at my wedding, Adeola and Folashade.
Adeola steps into the kitchen and cooks a fantastic meal for everyone in the house before we rest and start a marathon TV watching of TD Jakes, Chris Hill, Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer, and SuperSunday EPL if there’s a good match on TV.
Nobody ever sat me down and told me to cook breakfast for my wife. But I saw men I respect and look up to do it (and they have good marriages), so ‘by default’ I just do It too.
So it actually isn’t show off, it isn’t a move to impress my wife, it was something I caught from many people I stayed with.
Interestingly, I could have caught something else if the people around me were wife beaters, couch potatoes, and unhelpful husbands (and it won’t really be intentional cruelty, but learnt behaviour).
Here’s a decision I want you to make today, be intentional about the things you are catching.
You are more likely to remember what you see than what you are told (Fact) (Tweet This)
So, don’t ‘fool’ yourself that you are learning the right things, when you are constantly seeing the wrong things. (Tweet This)
You will have less mind battles to fight if you constantly feed your senses the right things. (Tweet This)
Is cooking for your wife a good thing?
I won’t authoritatively say YES as a catch-all response, but I will say, all the women I mentioned above love their husbands for it, brag about it and look forward to it, such that it has become a culture in their homes.
I’m cooking breakfast next Saturday, wanna come?
I’ll love to hear examples of good and bad things you didn’t really know you ‘caught’ until you started acting them.
Leave a comment below.